Antonia Crane is one of Naked Ladies. You can read her bio here.
She has her own blog, where she writes about her life as a stripper, sex worker, HIV Counselor, writer, daughter and sister. This piece was originally posted in Antonia’s blog on 1/1, it’s reprinted here, in toto, with her permission. It bears repeat reading if you saw it there already. And it’s here, just in case you missed it.
Some girls shove cupcakes in their mouths and those hot dogs wrapped in obscene bacon on Sunset Boulevard when there are holes punched through their hearts. I wander into hotels and casinos and offer my body to strangers for money. Not my whole body, just a little bit of it.
Maybe because I’m the girl in second place. I’m the Almost Girl. I’ve been runner up my whole life and am troubled by this. I crave attention and something sick happens to me when I don’t get it.Everything’s complicated when you’re this raw and yucky. Even casual encounters hurl me into Walgreens for Rolaids. I’d sooner douse myself with gasoline then be rejected by a man. I’ve got to win. Even when I don’t.
Growing up, I was nominated for things but never won. Like “best looking,” “homecoming queen,”and I was a contestant in a reality TV show to win $25K which I promised my mom half the winnings for her chemo and radiation bills. It was down to the final two. Me and one guy. In those last sweaty moments before the panel, the producer whispered to me, “You’re about to win a lot of money right now.”
I sat in the metal chair, waiting. I was high on adrenaline like it was happening to someone else. But, I lost to the surfer kid who lived with his fisherman Dad.
Mom died after that and there went the beach property in Humboldt that I was supposed to inherit.
Recently, I’ve leapt from the topless clubs on Hollywood Boulevard to Craigslist. I offer the promise of a happy ending to an otherwise dismal life for men who travel alone during the holidays. After all, the holidays mean things to people. There’s obligation, anxiety and volcanic loneliness.
People need to be touched and that’s a fact. Touch is the first and final language and it’s the one thing computers haven’t figured out how to replace. Casual, profound touch book ended by cash. No fights or let downs. No disappointed wives or nagging kids.
Sometimes, I show up alone. Sometimes with my friend, Elle for one excellent hour of manufactured intimacy. Their loneliness bleeds into mine just long enough to give me a hit of the attention I crave, like a baby after the nipple. Together with Elle, we provide distraction, entertainment and a hand job in the sessions. I’ve not had to go hog wild with my pepper spray yet.
Christmas night we had a client at The Four Seasons in Beverly Hills, where Brittney Spears and Paris Hilton smear fois gras on rice crackers and get shit-faced. A tall white guy with silver hair answered the door at the end of a long skinny hallway. There’s construction paper on the floor. They’re remodeling.
“You are amazing. Such beautiful souls,” he was tower of flesh, covered in tiny scabs. What’s wrong with him? I thought, coveting the fruit bowl piled high with ripe figs and greasy pears. My mouth watered. I didn’t eat dinner.
“There’ sooo much love. So much love,” he said. His eyes watery. According to Elle, he’s a powerful attorney. Oh brother, I thought. A new age attorney.
There was something wrong with his skin. It hung on him like sick flabby meat before it’s tossed down the garbage disposal. It made me sad and grateful to be alive and not have cancer or some skin disease.
I held him tightly in a three-way hug for as long as possible. This seemed to be what he was after, at least, for a few quiet moments. I got sad and the bright room went dark.
We got undressed. I like to keep my shoes and fishnets on for as long as possible.
Elle likes to be naked. He wrapped us up in his pale freckled arms. He had grizzly hair on his neck, chest and in his ears. He laid on his back. A beached whale sunk in soft sand with his belly out, big as a watermelon.
“Are you married?” Elle cut to the chase. She has methods with married men. She likes to help teach them to bring their wives to a better orgasm. It’s stuff she learned in that crazy sex cult she was in for years in Nor Cal.
“She passed away two years ago.” He didn’t look sad. He closed his eyes on the soft pillows that have that posh memory foam stuff. “You’re so amazing,” he said again. His voiced reminded me of soft crying.
“Do you mind if I dim the lights?” I asked. Lighting is everything and I’m prone to migraines so bright lights make me cringe. I love dimmers. I’m a stripper. I make a big show out of taking off my clothes and tease it out some. The lighting has to be right. We draped and dripped our limbs over him on the bed.
That’s when I saw his feet: His big toes were rotting off at the edges, the skin chewed up. His toes were eating themselves and turning black. He had no arches at all. The blackened skin spread up his calves in violent, splotchy little bruises like tiny prunes up his legs. The surfaces of his stomach was freckled and paper thin. I wondered if he hurt. Jesus, I thought. This guy’s got Diabetes or leprosy.
Elle’s great at keeping the fantasy going. She talks dirty.“I feel like you’re inside me,” she said in his face. Her hands were behind her back. She pointed to his junk. This was her signal to me to look at him more closely. “What’s your fantasy?” she asked our man. He ate this up:
“I’m a kid in class and my teacher calls me into her office. She wants me to take my clothes off for her. She draws me and photographs me. Then she demands I play with myself. I hear girls giggling.” Elle giggles. It’s creepy but not as creepy as his cock, which upon close inspection I find the reason why we haven’t touched it yet with our coconut oil. His cock had little warts on it, tiny little red pustules. Angry red strawberry skin at the shaft. Elle’s still giggling like a horror film.
“Will you suck it?” he asked me. His eyes open slits now and his mouth open. He looks like a chubby salamander in a trance.
“Well, sure, but you have some reddish spots and it looks like even warts which can lead to HPV,” I said, crash landing the buzz-kill. I play it safe. I’m an HIV counselor.
“No,” he said. “The doctor said it’s just age. Promise. And. I have a blood disease.” He stroked his cock.
“It’s sensitive at the shaft,” he said. I’m thinking this guy thinks we are stupid bimbos. I’m thinking about the money.
“A promise isn’t enough,” Elle said, her face close to our man who was losing his smile. I’m glad she has a way of being submissive and tough. She has the body of a twelve year old but she’s direct and mature.
“Do you have a condom?” Elle makes herself more available than I do. I’m there for the money. I watch the clock. She’s into energy work and the shaman thing. She says I work too hard and I don’t think she’s wrong but I just can’t shirk my blue-collar roots. This is a service job to me.
“There’s more money in it for both of you,” he said. I jumped up at this and jogged to the bathroom,which was like a mini-spa resort. Huge shower and billion thread-count towels. Two virgin white robes hang from the door, which I consider stealing. Several glass bottles of Evian. Guest soaps that cost more than my car.
I found two types of condoms, one with lube and one without. I think, for oral, the best tasting one will be without lube. They don’t slip and slide when I put them on. I reached into the fancy basket.
Four hundred bucks, I thought. Merry Christmas, darling.
This entry was written by , posted on February 3, 2010 at 2:18 am, filed under three naked ladies and tagged strippers. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink and follow any comments with the RSS feed for this post.
Applications for this 2010 weekend workshop offered by Sex Work Awareness (SWA) in New York City are being accepted up until February 17, 2010. Class size is limited to 10 participants.
Using a variety of methods, including role playing and hands-on activities, former $pread editors Audacia Ray and Eliyanna Kaiser teach participants to navigate the pitfalls and opportunities of today’s media. You’ll learn to evaluate, and respond, to media requests using a variety of formats. There’ll be instruction on writing press releases, op-ed pieces, and letters to the editor, building a press list and pitching a story to an editor, as well as a crash course on starting your own podcast, blog, or video podcast. Current sex worker media will be examined with an eye on how to contribute to these existing efforts. Click here for more information about Sex Work Awareness programs. Click here to go directly to the Speak Up! application
(Please note this workshop is not restricted to Naked Ladies. Naked Men are welcome as well, but it is limited to 10 participants and all identify as current or former sex workers)
This entry was written by , posted on January 27, 2010 at 12:59 pm, filed under three naked ladies and tagged strippers, whores. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink and follow any comments with the RSS feed for this post.
As a long as there’s been music, women have danced for the entertainment and titillation of men. Scheherazade. Minsky’s Burlesque. Cage dancing go-go girls in the psychedelic 60′s. Times Square strippers, pole dancers and lap dancers. Women dance….Men watch.
purple boa by luma rouge
Image by the gorgeous Luma Rouge. Luma can create an image for your erotic event or from your erotic event, recreate a scene from a show or photo. View more of her work here or email her here.
This entry was written by , posted on at 3:07 am, filed under three naked ladies and tagged strippers. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink and follow any comments with the RSS feed for this post.
Behind the scenes with Soupy Sales
Back story to this clip available here.
This entry was written by , posted on January 20, 2010 at 11:58 pm, filed under three naked ladies. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink and follow any comments with the RSS feed for this post.
Advice for the New Kids on the Street,
from the Girls who’ve been around the Block!17 Naked Ladies in one room?
That’s more than a party, it’s a virtual Gang-Bang.
New topic every Wednesday
on laurishaw.com & thedirtygirldiaries.com
LZ Hansen: Starting out in the sex industry, be it stripping, whoring, or porn movies, you’ll know after day one if this is something you can make a career out of. If it is, try to make a plan–how many years do you intend on being in this business? And try to stash your money. We all think the big bucks will be there tomorrow, so we spend it all today. I woke up after 17 years, having made and hustled millions of dollars, with nothing but the clothes on my back & a lot of stories.
If you’re doing it to survive, like I was, try to get off the drugs and straighten out your life. Otherwise, you might never make it out alive. Above all, be true to yourself, conduct yourself with honesty and dignity and you’ll make it. And don’t forget to have fun, because it is a hell of a ride.
Lauri Shaw: It’s a job. Treat it like one. Be responsible, punctual, and sober.
Do your research. There’s plenty of info out there that wasn’t easily accessible before. Use it. Find the online message boards where both workers and customers write about the clubs. Learn the laws in every state and country you plan to work before you get there.
If you’re stripping, you’re paying the club to work. That means they do not own you. You are an independent contractor. They will also not have your back at tax time or if the club ever gets busted. They’re looking out for their interests and you’re looking out for yours. Be friendly, but always watch your back.
Put together your business dream team: your stylist; your personal trainer; your lawyer; your accountant; and possibly your stockbroker. Keep receipts and keep a set of books. As an entertainer, you’re a sole proprietorship company.
The window of time you can hustle at a job like this is finite. Save, invest, and plan for the future.
Georgina Spelvin: Insist on condoms and save your money. Oh, and this is for everybody, not just sex workers, moisturize! All over. Every day.
Dr. Betty Dodson: Avoid having first time sexual encounters under the influence of booze. If sex is worth doing it’s best being conscious when you’re doing it.
Nina Hartley: Save your money. Have a plan for After. Don’t date anyone who gives you shit for being a sex worker, period. If you don’t do it at home for free, don’t do it on camera for money. If you don’t do anal, don’t do anal. Don’t do cream pies for any amount of money. Pay your taxes. Go to school. Your newness is your most valuable asset, so guard it carefully and don’t over work your first year. Learn to say “no” and make it stick. Work as little as you can afford to and have a life. Extensions look trashy. Ditto very long nails. Think twice before you get that boob job. Three times, actually. If you do, shop around, a LOT. Do not go for lip injections, period, lest you be called “Daisy Duck.” Easy on the spray tan, Eugene.
Kelly Hayworth: You’re probably thinking you are different; you may consider yourself an “unlikely stripper.” You are not. The men and women that make up the sex industry come from all walks of life and backgrounds; they might be great cooks, strong athletes, accomplished writers; they may even have degrees. That’s right: having a college degree does not make you a special case. I was horribly condescending when I started out in the sex industry. “I’m not like them” I would think—I hope I never said it out loud—“these are hopeless cases; stupid, vapid, no futures; I’m just doing this because…” The end of that sentence, I now realize, is “because of the same reasons everyone else does it.”
Essence Alexander: Be clear about the fact that you are running your own business. Invest your money into vehicles that will allow you to walk away with some income. If you get to the point that you can’t do the job without a drink, etc. it’s time to quit!
Carol Queen: I think these three things increase your chances of a positive experience:
–Get as much sex info, and be as sex-positive, as you can. If you think your clients want unusual and perverted things, it won’t do your self-image any good (or your social skills as a good whore).
–Understand as much about your OWN sexuality as you can. It’s your own choice whether you share your true colors with clients (I always thought having orgasms was a fine perk, myself), but at least have sexual pleasure in your life somewhere. Also be clear about any challenging sexual stuff in your past (and try to root any of this out of your present life, if there is anything like an abusive partner or boss). This also means you are better-equipped to negotiate from a place of self-knowledge.
–Have some support. Maybe you can’t tell everyone what you’re doing, but have someone you can talk to and share the “shop talk” that is so useful (and frequently interesting) to work through.
Annie Sprinkle, Ph.D: Follow your muse. Stay in your truth. Do it your way. Be willing to, and have the courage to, change–because change happens. I had a wonderful porn star support group called Club 90, which was extremely empowering and helpful. We have been the best of friends, and meeting for twenty five years. So if possible, get yourself a support group of like minded peers. For me, nothing could be better than that.
Melissa Petro: When I share my story, one or two women will typically come up to me and reveal that they’ve had a similar experience, or that they’re considering sex work.
I don’t give advice, but I do share my experience often, which is a somewhat cautionary tale. My only suggestion is to ask yourself if you can do this type of work and remain true to the woman you are and to the people that you love. Many women can and do. I didn’t, and that’s what brought about most of the pain in my story. Research suggests it’s neither traffickers nor pimps nor drugs nor disease but, rather, the stigmatized and criminalized nature of sex work are the greatest contributing factors making sex work dangerous.
There is nothing inherently wrong with sex work, other than the fact that it is illegal and looked down upon. Society continuing to condemn and criminalize sex for money obfuscates the real issues– typically, issues of poverty, immigration, education, and so on. Those of us who can, have a moral obligation to speak up and share the reality of ourselves and our experiences.
Antonia Crane: Stay sane and sober while doing your job and I swear you’ll make ten times the cash you made drunk or high. Promise.
Jo “Boobs” Weldon: Get your tax and other legal advice from professionals, not in the dressing room.
Rachel Aimee: Grow a thick skin fast–you’ll need it. Don’t let the assholes get to you, and stay away from the ones who play mind games. Avoid drama in the club. Know that the other girls are exaggerating how much money they’re making, and everyone always says it was better last year. Try not to cry on the bad nights.
Caty Simon: LEARN your trade. Don’t be isolated. This is not a game, and it has high stakes, especially if you aspire to a legitimate career later on. Find a benevolent indie escort who will take you under her wing for a small cut and teach you how to screen clients and watch for the sort of legal entrapment that the police practice. After you’re on your own, join a bad call list/ database. If there isn’t one in your area, start one. And listen to your instincts, ALWAYS. They’ll get better as you’re in the business longer. The only thing that won’t get better is your own propensity to tell yourself that you’re just being paranoid. But remember–no amount of money is worth your life or your freedom.
Tracy Quan: Pfft. Is it kind of pompous to give advice to the new girls? I do appreciate the advice I received as a newbie, even when I didn’t take it. So here’s one thing I feel strongly about: don’t feel guilty about lying. Nobody is entitled to know what you do. Lying about it is one of our traditions. If you follow this tradition, be honest with yourself and kind to others. Don’t tell a guy you’re dating him exclusively while you see customers behind his back — let him know you still date other guys and leave it at that. If you create ambiguity, you’re not turning him into some kind of patsy. (It’s really none of his business whether the other men are paying.)
Also, no matter how angry you get during a lover’s quarrel, you should never use the fact that you see men for money as a weapon. It’s been known to happen. Some people, harboring a sexual secret, will lash out with their secret when they’ve been arguing. If you use this info to hurt or insult a guy or to get the last word, you’ll regret it.
Jennifer “Blowdryer” Waters: My favorite advice books, besides my own, Good Advice for Young Trendy People of All Ages
Jodi Sh. Doff: Some jobs more than others, but every aspect of Naked for Money still has some stigma attached to it. That’s potent stuff, even when it feels like it’s not, or like you’re tougher than that. Make sure you have someone outside of the business who loves you. Someone who can listen without judging, who has your best interest at heart, will call you on your shit, will have your back. That’s probably good advice for everyone, no matter how you make your money….
This entry was written by , posted on January 13, 2010 at 9:00 am, filed under three naked ladies and tagged strippers, whores. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink and follow any comments with the RSS feed for this post.
16 Naked Ladies in one virtual room?
That’s a Holiday Gang-Bang.
We’re tackling the hard questions…
and getting some surprising answers.New topic every Wednesday on laurishaw.com & thedirtygirldiaries.com
LZ Hansen: Yes! I’d do it again, I loved my life as a whore. I had issues when I was a speedball freak, but that had nothing to do with whoring. I loved brothel life, loved the women I met, not all, but even the bitches I fought with, I liked.
I’d do it all exactly the same. I made a stack of money & blew it on drugs, vacations & things. As long as my drugs & rent were paid for, I didn’t need a lot of stuff. Then, as a sober whore, I made the money again & spent it on more things & bigger rent. I got my American Dream, still no regrets. I have no shame. Today, I tell the world I was a whore & loved it!
Georgina Spelvin: Yeah, I’d probably have jumped at the chance to be in a movie even if it DID require explicit sex. I was that eager to be in film and I still don’t see why the actuality of real-life intercourse between humans should be less palatable than a good turtle-fuck on Animal Kingdom.
Betty Dodson: Yes! My naked lady days was throwing or attending sex parties in the sixties and seventies, but no money exchanged hands. When I was a sex coach guiding women through pleasure rituals so they could learn how to provide their own orgasms with masturbation, I got paid. It wasn’t until I was postmenopausal that I did a few doubles with my girlfriends who were sex workers. Their johns were often more polite than many men I’d dated.
I’d like to see more women and men better sexually educated and skilled so they could provide their own erotic entertainment. We need to get beyond the only accepted model of heterosexual monogamous marriages, a lifestyle that ends up creating party girls, prostitutes and johns. No one should have to pay to enjoy orgasms.
Nina Hartley: Yes, definitely. I’d have left my first husband ten years earlier and have married Ernest that much sooner. I’d manage my money better (though sex workers are notoriously bad with money management, as a general rule). I’d have taken a stronger interest in the business aspect of porn, instead of just the artistic/personal aspects of it.
Essence Alexander: I’d do it again. I would plan my exit up front. I would save.
Carol Queen: Yes, absolutely. I learned more in the trenches of the sex biz than I have almost anywhere else. There’s plenty of secret know-how between those sheets. I’m not sure I’d really do anything differently except maybe learn better money management skills. I didn’t piss away my earnings, but neither do I have any of that money any more. Of course, my 401(K) is half gone, too, and that had nothing to do with my money management. What I invested in while I was a sex worker was time to develop my writing. I recommend every sex worker figure out what s/he/ze is in fact investing in.
Jodi Sh. Doff: Sure. Knowing what I know today, in a heartbeat. I’d put a major chunk of change away right off the top, investing it in real estate. I’d drink less, say “No” more often and take lots of photographs.
Tracy Quan: In my teens, I met a wealthy guy who had quite a crush on me. He was in his late twenties, very civilized, and he wanted to court me rather than pay for sex. He barely touched me that night and insisted on giving me lots and lots of cab fare as I was leaving the hotel room. Any sensible girl in my shoes would have called him the next day and pursued the relationship, but I didn’t know what to do. I was intimidated, didn’t feel glamorous enough for this rich playboy, so I ran away from the attraction. I should have been more courageous. I should have asked another working girl for advice. Instead, I kept the episode to myself and never saw him again. I was a scrappy little idiot.
Annie Sprinkle: I’ve had a great life, and would love to do it again, and again, several times. I would take a few classes on running a small business, and how to manage money when I first got into the biz. I’d learn to balance my check book, invest, and save money. But then again, I would probably enjoy blowing my money all over again.
Melissa Petro: Today I am entirely comfortable with the person I am, and I recognize that who I am is the cumulative effect of my choices and experiences. For this reason, there is nothing in my past that I regret, nothing I would change or wish to undo. This is not to say that I didn’t make mistakes or that my choices didn’t bring about a terrible amount of unnecessary suffering, only that I’ve learned– or, am learning– from my past and, hopefully, by sharing my experience, I can use my past to help or educate others. The experiences I’ve had, as well as my education, put me in a somewhat unique position to have a positive impact on peoples’ lives.
Antonia Crane: Yes. I’d do it all again the same way. I wouldn’t change those years dancing in San Francisco during The Golden Age for anything. But, if I didn’t keep going back to dancing, I may have pursued other goals more voraciously. I wish I would have gone to school much sooner, instead of well into my thirties, but I’m relieved to have the self esteem to pursue my career now.
Jo “Boobs” Weldon: I would do it again. If I had to do something differently, I would probably take it more seriously as a job than as something that was impeding me. That’s the feeling I had when I was very young–that it was taking more from me than I was getting out of it. I can see the advantages and disadvantages differently now.
Rachel Aimee: Absolutely. I can’t think of a more convenient way I could’ve supported myself through four and a half years of volunteer-editing $pread! In an alternate universe, I would’ve put more effort into trying to be a good stripper–calling customers, buying new outfits once in a while, etc–but in reality that’s just not me and it never would’ve worked. No, I wouldn’t make any changes. I’d do it exactly the same all over again. (OK, maybe this is the nostalgic talking now because I only just quit!)
Caty Simon: In a heartbeat. Escorting gave me financial self-sufficiency, self-respect, new skills, too many things to list here. Only this time, unlike the childish 21 year old I was, and the dope fiend I became, I wouldn’t carry around my ill gotten cash in a money clip and act like a Mafioso, treating all my friends to dinner at the most expensive restaurants and working back to zero all the time. I wouldn’t have the misbegotten impression that what I thought of as “free money”, à la Patti Smith, would last forever, as sadly, so many escorts do. I would save, save, save–at least half my income. And I’d give more of it to the activist movements I’m involved with today.
Kelly Hayworth: I didn’t begin stripping until I was 26. I sometimes wonder if I should have started earlier. I do wish that I could go back and hustle those timewasters I didn’t know how to deal with in the beginning. It took me a while to learn.
Lauri Shaw: I would’ve done it differently. I’d have been more careful which girls I trusted to tell me the rules when I first started. I’d have left my ego at the door, and understood that it was a JOB — it did not define how pretty I was, or what else I was fit to do with my life. I wouldn’t have so readily allowed people to manipulate me.
I’d have stayed sober when I was on the clock, kept my nose clean (no pun intended), and socked away money like there was no tomorrow. Lastly, I’d have been honest with myself about how I felt about the job — vs. the way I thought I should be ashamed. I’d have stood up to the world, stripped for another 5 – 15 years, bought real estate, made other investments during those boom years. I’d be sitting pretty right now…
Re-reading my response to this question pissed me off. While I was writing it in late December, I realized just how much of this ending is unresolved for me. I quit ten years ago believing I needed to do something more “legitimate” with my life. Having regrets is frankly incompatible with the woman I think I am. And so I’ve decided to return to the front lines after all these years. At a very different place in my life and in a different country! I’m very excited about what comes next.
I think the fact that I’m older now is great. It will put more money in my pocket. I’ve been on one audition so far and seen the girls. They don’t look any older than I do. My life is very different now as well. I have a husband who’s behind me 99.9% and has his own money coming in. I’ve cut ties years ago with any relatives who’d think it’s okay to judge me. I’ve had several jobs in mainstream entertainment, moved out of New York, and seen a whole lot more of the world. I know the perils of being intoxicated at work and have decided it’s a no-no for me.
Bottom line: I’m no longer that scared little girl who would do anything to keep a roof over her head. I have choices now. And I’m happy to be able to say that my choice is to go be the best stripper I can be, for as long as I can make great money doing it.
Next Wednesday: Final Round of the Naked Ladies’ Holiday Gang Bang: The Naked Ladies offer advice, warning and words of wisdom for anyone just starting out in the Naked for Money business
This entry was written by , posted on January 6, 2010 at 9:00 am, filed under the diary, three naked ladies and tagged strippers. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink and follow any comments with the RSS feed for this post.
16 Naked Ladies in one virtual room?
That’s a Holiday Gang-Bang.
We’re tackling the hard questions…
and getting some surprising answers.New topic every Wednesday on laurishaw.com & thedirtygirldiaries.com
Round 2: How would you feel about your son or your brother being a client, customer or a trick? What do you want him to know?
LZ Hansen: I’d hope at some point my son would experience a prostitute. Every man should. It’s relaxing, it’s their version of going to a day spa. But I would pray he was a gentleman, tipped well, and treated the women with utmost respect. As with any addiction, I would hope he wouldn’t become a sex addict as many of my customers were. If paying for sex is recreational what’s the prob?
Lauri Shaw: I’d tell him, treat sex workers well, and pick companions he’d want to treat well. Be selective about where he spends his time and money. No zombies, no psychos, no rip-off artists. Same as if he was dating. I don’t want the men in my life to hurt anyone, nor do I want them to get hurt. Money entering the equation still doesn’t change the golden rule.
Georgina Spelvin: Better than knocking up his teenage heart-throb. What he should know? Same thing he should know vis-a-vis Heart-throb – No glove? No love! NO unprotected sex until procreation is the object.
Betty Dodson: Only if he was not abusing drugs and using a high-end escort service. I would prefer he was confident enough in his sexuality that he could provide his own orgasms alone or with partners.
Nina Hartley: Professionals are people, too, so treat them with respect. Pay for their time and ability. Speak clearly and ask for what you want. Listen to what they have to say about sex and relationships. Don’t fuss about using rubbers.
Essence Alexander: Whether my son was in a relationship or buying it, I would want it to be safe sex. If he was going to be a strip club customer, I’d want him to know that if he didn’t have a large amount of EXPENDABLE income that he should probably just buy a pack of beverages and go to a buddy’s house.
Carol Queen: I’ve actually written an essay in which I hoped my dad had access to the sex industry, so yeah, anyone in my bloodline could avail himself of erotic entertainment and it’d be fine with me. I would want him to know that he should be clear about his desires and negotiate for them respectfully; he ought to appreciate any sexworker he interacts with and know that people who provide sexual services are a special kind of person worthy of value. (This, in fact, is the sense I got from the majority of my clients, and it *should* be the basis of any of our interactions with clients/customers.)
Jodi Sh. Doff: I’d want him to understand she is for his entertainment and to treat her with the respect he’d have for a Broadway actor and the compassion he’d have for the ingenue in an off, off, off Broadway production. That the evenings end in the same way as well: when a play is over, actors go one way and the audience another. I’d want him to understand that time is money, but paying for someone’s time is simply that and nothing more, paying for their time.
Annie Sprinkle: Whores are wonderful people. Why would I have a problem? Paying for sex isn’t that different than getting a massage, a pedicure, or a gourmet meal. Its pleasurable. I’d want him to know that he needs to have the utmost respect, even reverence, for the woman, man or tranny whore that he’s with. And leave a really big tip.
Antonia Crane: I’d tell them to always tip girls on stage when they’re dancing and be generous, respectful and kind to them. If they were hiring escorts, I’d tell them them to use condoms, and tell them all about STD’s because I have a background in STD/HIV counseling. I’d want them to be safe and discreet. I’d want them to know that it’s a fantasy and not something to get emotionally invested in-even if he’s convinced that the girl really likes him-when push comes to shove, it’s a job.
Kelly Hayworth: I’d be fine with it–as long as he wasn’t acting like a jerk, was generous, polite and treated the women well. I would want him to understand that if he goes to a strip club and the girls seem to really like him, that’s because they’re working. If he turned into one of those clowns that starts talking about how he and Candy are “really good friends”, I’d have to make an intervention.
Jo “Boobs” Weldon: I would want him to understand that there is more pressure on the worker if he hassles her about whether or not she’s enjoying her work. I would tell him to simply appreciate the service and the pleasure.
Tracy Quan: I have two brothers, and would be surprised if they’ve never paid for sex. I also have a double standard. Being a punter doesn’t seem problematic or unusual, while selling sex to earn a living comes with more cultural baggage. Of course, I want my brothers to have commercial adventures only where they won’t be arrested. The laws concerning prostitution are being rewritten in many countries, and penalties against customers are becoming more common, so my brothers – if they do pay for sex – may be acquiring some of that extra baggage.That’s too bad. I hope, if my brother gets arrested, that he won’t wimp out and declare himself a sex addict in need of rehab!
Rachel Aimee: I don’t have a brother, but if I had a son who went to strip clubs, I’d want him to really understand that the relationship is about money and not get taken in and start thinking the girls actually like him. Strangely, I feel more opposed to the idea of a son or daughter of mine being a regular client of the sex industry than a sex worker. I guess I’ve just seen so many lonely guys with dysfunctional lives throwing their money away night after night and not getting much out of it. (Although my perspective is probably kinda screwed because I can’t imagine being a regular customer or client myself.) Having said that, I wouldn’t have any problem with my son being an occasional customer, as long as he had enough money to be a decent one!
PJ Starr: I assume that my brothers, cousins and male friends in general have dipped their toes into the the thrilling stream(s) of services provided by sex workers. I think about all the sex workers out there, seeing so many clients and it seems to me that the chances are that fellows I know have been (or still are) clients.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t need to know whether or not or under what circumstance my relatives and friends have paid for sex. That is their own private business. I only hope that if they have been clients, they were well-behaved, acquiesced to safe sex, paid what they were supposed to and left a nice tip if they appreciated the service. Oh, and took a shower or similar depending the service, then put the towel away neatly and put the toilet seat down.
Caty Simon: I’d feel fine about my brother seeing an escort, since as he knows his sister is one, he’d treat her with the utmost respect. The only problem I might foresee with that arrangement is that my brother’s an incurable romantic, and I hope he’d understand the boundaries of the commercial relationship going in. This question implies that some of us might feel our clients are in some way transgressing, and I don’t believe that at all. Our clients are almost always just normal men, and at best, amazing men who understand that not all sex needs to be monogamous and free of charge, despite what mainstream culture might tell us.
Next Wednesday: Round 3: Knowing everything you know today, would you do it again?
This entry was written by , posted on December 30, 2009 at 9:00 am, filed under three naked ladies and tagged strippers, whores. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink and follow any comments with the RSS feed for this post.
What happens when you get
15 Naked Ladies in one virtual room?
You get an incredible end of year Gang Bang.
We’re tackling the hard questions….
and the answers are surprisingNew topic every Wednesday on laurishaw.com & thedirtygirldiaries.com
Round 1: When it’s all said and done, if you had a daughter, would you want her to work in the business today?
LZ Hansen: I’ve always said that if my daughter were to become a prostitute I’d probably be fine with it. If I knew she could handle it like I did. It’s not for everyone & some strong fearless females have been chewed up spat out & pissed on. I guess luck has some thing to do with it. I’ve always had amazing luck. I closed my brothels in 2002 because the business had changed so much. Women were becoming more renegade, not part of the ‘family’ I had loved so back in the 1980s. I’d only really be comfortable if I knew she was safe, not strung out & not handing money to some maniac-pimp.
Lauri Shaw: Do you suppose Monica Lewinsky’s mother worried about sending her on that internship at the White House? Lewinsky ended up in the same boat as Ashley Dupre did a few years later… Dupre was a call girl, Lewinsky was somebody’s upper-middle-class daughter. The label “whore” can be slapped on anyone. If I had a daughter, it wouldn’t matter if she worked in a strip club or next to heads of state — she’d have as much dignity as I could possibly impart to her. And I would hope whatever she wanted to do would be fine with me.
Same time, I’d want to make sure she didn’t go in naive, the way I did. A lot of people hurt and took advantage of me because I didn’t know what I was doing. It’d be great if she had someone levelheaded to show her the ropes.
Georgina Spelvin: Honestly, no. It’s too dangerous and lonely.
Betty Dodson: Only if she was a high-end call girl and not abusing drugs. I would prefer she make her own money in her chosen profession.
Nina Hartley: No. It’s undergoing massive changes now and I don’t know if it will continue to be any source of steady work. Plus the stigma of being in porn is still pretty common. Easier in than out, and that’s not always a good thing. I’d like to think that I’d raise her to be grounded sexually but to keep it to herself and make her mark in the world.
Candida Royalle: No…Because I know that despite the fact that millions and millions view, rent, buy explicit movies, most people still look down on the women who perform in them. Even though I believe that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with women performing sexually for others to view and enjoy, as long as we live in a culture that insists on offering up only two visions of women – madonna, mother and good girl or whore, bad girl, a woman to be scorned and punished – women who choose to openly and publicly display their sexuality will forever have certain doors closed and opportunities denied. When we’re young we think it doesn’t matter, but as we get older we grow to understand the impact this can have not only on our lives, but on the lives of those we love…especially our children who will be forced to deal with possible ridicule as a result of our choices.
Kelly Hayworth: I think the word “want” is too strong for me, as it is not something I would necessarily wish for, but I wouldn’t be opposed to my daughter working in the sex industry. I think that it could be a positive thing for her: character building—it was for me. I have limits though; while I would hope that by the time my daughter was an adult she would be independent enough to do whatever she wants, I wouldn’t want her working on the streets, and ideally I’d hope that she had other plans for a future outside of the sex industry: something creative like in film or literature (perhaps these are my own wishes.)
I don’t think that’s hypocritical, because who doesn’t want their child to grow up to be something really amazing? I don’t know if anyone says “I really hope my daughter grows up to be an accountant,” you know?
Essence Alexander: If my daughter could not be talked out of it, I would tell her the caveat is that she has to have a clear exit plan. I would sit down with her and develop a 3-5 year business plan with measurable goals. I think about 3-5 years in she’d want out anyway. I’d also warn her of all the potential pitfalls: drugs, over spending, safety, etc.
Carol Queen: I have cats, not kids, BUT: I’d absolutely support any (adult) daughter of mine working in the sex industry, provided I felt she had enough knowledge to make the right choices about how and under what circumstances to work. I would want her to know other sex workers and have supportive, collegial relationships with them; I don’t think this is work to do alone, or as a loner. I’d want to make sure she knew she could (and in fact ought to) bring her brain with her to work, and only work where that’s respected.
Jodi Sh. Doff: You know, in a perfect world I’d say fine. The costumes, the lights, the glitter, the playing dress up and being the center of attention are all wonderful in theory. But theory is for classrooms. In the real world, people judge, media exploits and more than anything, as long as our laws continue not to support sex workers rights, as long as the work is stigmatized, it’s not safe work. No, not until things change and she can go to work knowing that if something happens, she can turn to the courts and the police and expect the same respect, attention and diligence as anyone else.
Tracy Quan: If I had a daughter? I’d want her to be a CPA. It’s the only occupation I can think of that seems safe enough for a child of mine to pursue. The business is just one of many industries that would scare the daylights out of me if it were my daughter. I could easily be one of those ultra-protective helicopter mums, because I know too much about what’s out there. I’m lucky I was never arrested and sometimes think I’m lucky to be alive! I don’t assume everyone else will be lucky. However, assertive daughters forge their own paths, and often go against their mothers. That’s the natural order of things.
Annie Sprinkle: It would depend on what my daughter was like. If the job suited her well, and it was what she really wanted to do, I would have no problem with it. Why should I? But I would want her to have a great guide/agent/mentor to educate her, keep her safe, and prosperous. I would hope that prostitution would be decriminalized by then, and thus a safer job. But then there are much more dangerous jobs than prostitute.
Melissa Petro: I wouldn’t encourage my daughter to be a sex worker. I wouldn’t discourage her either. Ultimately, every woman is free to choose how she makes herself sexually available, to whom, and for what in exchange– and we all do, all the time, sex worker and non-sex worker alike. If I were to have a daughter, hopefully I would parent her in such a way that she’d be prepared to make good choices. I wouldn’t want someone– especially someone I love– to make the same mistakes I did, but becoming a sex worker was not in and of itself a mistake, and I recognize that women have different experiences in the industry. Most important, I think, is to show love and practice acceptance no matter what choices someone makes.
Rachel Aimee: I wouldn’t have a problem with my daughter (or son, for that matter) working in strip clubs if I felt she was a sensible person who could take care of herself. It’s true that there are plenty of temptations in the clubs—to drink, do drugs, get carried away with trying to make as much money as possible and forget your other goals in life, etc.—but I also know from personal experience that it’s perfectly possible to just treat it as a job and have a functional and productive life outside of work. So I would only have a problem with my daughter being a stripper, or any kind of a sex worker, if I felt she was the kind of person who might get carried away with it and get into trouble—in which case I’d probably be worrying about her whatever she did!
Antonia Crane: If she was pursuing other goals then I’d want her to be a dancer. It makes financial sense. I believe that my daughter would have the common sense to make sound and sane decisions.
Next Wednesday: Round 2: How do you feel about your son or your brother being a client, customer or trick? What do you want him to know?
This entry was written by , posted on December 23, 2009 at 8:00 am, filed under three naked ladies and tagged strippers, whores. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink and follow any comments with the RSS feed for this post.
Jessica Pauline helps answer the question–
What’s a nice Jewish girl like you, doing in a place like this??
Happy Hannukkah!
3 naked ladies talk about their view from the stages and laps of the 70′s, 80′s, 90′s and today.
For as a long as there’s been music, women have danced for the entertainment and titillation of men. Scheherazade. Minsky’s Burlesque. Cage dancing go-go girls in the psychedelic 60′s. Times Square strippers, pole dancers and lap dancers. Women dance….Men watch.
Naked Ladies get around! Look for the 3 Naked Ladies and a new topic every Wednesday on laurishaw.com, or thedirtygirldiaries.com
Lauri Shaw: Female sexuality is practically non-existent in mainstream Jewish culture. We were invisible in the strip clubs when I worked. Yet, I know we were there… also that there are plenty of Jews in porn. So how does growing up Jewish prepare you / or not for a career in the sex industry?
Jessica Pauline: Well, it definitely prepared me to have a healthy dose of guilt both during and after my career in the sex industry. I didn’t grow up with any explicit values surrounding sex or sexuality, but I always knew that nice Jewish girls value their minds way before their bodies. Obviously, that’s a totally respectable value system, but because of it I always felt terrified that if anyone from my hometown (or home synagogue, God forbid) found out that I was stripping they’d think that I was doing something stupid, which is the cardinal sin for suburban middle-class Jews. You can have just about any flaw, but being or acting stupid brings the utmost of shame upon your family.
Jodi Sh. Doff: I don’t agree at all about the sexuality – it’s not like Catholics are all, Go ahead kids, screw around, it’s fun! I grew in Levittown, surrounded by Italian & Irish retired cops and fireman. We were one of the few Jewish families, although culturally only with no religious practices. I’d hear “The only way to stop a Jewish woman from fucking is marry her,” but I heard it from my own father. I felt like that was permission to screw around, although I’m sure that wasn’t his intention! Still, my house was the opposite of what you experienced. My parents were political activists, very open, free your mind kind of liberal Long Island Jews. My mother wanted me to enjoy my body and my sexuality. She was light years ahead of the curve on that one and while she hated the topless bars, Judaism was never the issue.
LS: I grew up in a fundamentalist Conservative Jewish home. In terms of ritualism and repression we had more in common with Catholics — or Jehovah’s Witnesses — than with the Reform Jews I knew in Great Neck. My father conducted Shabbat dinner every Friday night, made us go to synagogue every Saturday, and Hebrew school on Sundays. We kept kosher. I hated it ALL. At the age of six, I was already an atheist — I’d been told that women were second class citizens.
When I was 13, I had a Bat Mitzvah, after which I announced, “The rabbi says I’m an adult now; you can’t make me go to services anymore.” The only time I ever entered a synagogue after that, I was 15, sneaking in with my (recovering-Catholic) boyfriend. The ladies’ room on the main floor had this amazing lounge with sofas, mirrors on the ceiling. An ideal place for wayward teenagers to have sex. Come to think of it, it looked a lot like a champagne room!
JP: I think this issue is largely about how we see ourselves, and how much of that self-image is rooted in Judaism and/or Jewish culture. For instance, the first month of stripping for me was a complete revelation, because I was suddenly someone I’d never been before. I’ve always been kind of goofy — I love to laugh, I’m really friendly, I’m always the one who kills the joke by repeating it for hours. In short, I’m no seductress. So to see myself as objectively sexy — to the point that someone would pay me for it — was so shocking and awesome that I would say it was moderately addictive. But it did break from the values with which I was raised, values that — while not expressly religious — are very much associated with Jewish culture. By drawing lines between my value system and my culture’s value system, I was deviating from expectations, and that made me feel like I was somehow letting down the tribe.
JshD: When I was a kid I was hot for the JDL, so sexy in their paramilitary garb. And I conveniently identified when I’d hear there were no Jewish alcoholics, because we only drank on happy occasions. I was one happy Jew for a long, long, long time, but in-between, when I was working, Judaism never really influenced my actions or decisions that I’m aware of.
LS: It definitely had a big impact on my sexuality. I got pushed so hard in one direction, I exploded in the other. I reveled in being an outlaw slut. At the same time, I never admitted to anyone in the clubs that I was Jewish.
If you’ve been around Jews, you can tell I have Ashkenazi features. But when customers asked, I said I was Irish-American. This is a direct result of the completely schizophrenic way I was raised. My father’s religiosity reigned supreme in our household — I got my ass beat when I broke those rules. But then he’d take us on Navy bases — or anywhere outside of NY — and warn, “Don’t tell anyone you’re Jewish.” He saw anti-Semites hiding behind every bush.
I didn’t know if people would treat me differently if they knew, and in any case I’d left the flock. I had serious issues with my ethnicity-that-was-a-religion-that-was-an-ethnicity.
JshD: I’ve never denied being a Jew. I mean you get those idiots that have that “nice Jewish girl” image, but from what I’ve found, it’s mostly the Jewish men that have that. I worked for two different Jewish bar owners. Myron was harder on me than on the other girls – he had an element of hypocritical disdain towards me, a Jewish girl doing that work. Paul, however, treated me like an uncle–albeit an incestuous uncle–giving me extra privileges so I didn’t have to do what the “goyim” did for money. The Gentiles on the other hand, they’re all hot to get a Jewish girl. Wiseguys and mobsters were turned on by the fact that I was a Jewess, and so it was a big turn on for me. Why not, it’s where my curves came from!
This entry was written by , posted on December 16, 2009 at 9:00 am, filed under three naked ladies and tagged family, religon, strippers. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink and follow any comments with the RSS feed for this post.
For as a long as there’s been music, women have danced for the entertainment and titillation of men. Scheherazade. Minsky’s Burlesque. Cage dancing go-go girls in the psychedelic 60′s. Times Square strippers, pole dancers and lap dancers. Women dance….Men watch.
Naked Ladies get around! Look for the 3 Naked Ladies and a new topic every Wednesday on laurishaw.com, or thedirtygirldiaries.com
Candida Royalle changed the porn industry when she founded Femme Productions. You have to wonder, the first time she got Naked for Money, was that her plan? The Naked Ladies talk about having a plan–or not.
Candida Royalle: I’d been rather ‘focused’ until just after my first year of college. I was attending one of the best art colleges in the country, majoring in fashion illustration, but when the whole political – hippie – feminist movements came flooding in to our generational culture, the fashion world began to lose its appeal. Plus, I discovered recreational drugs and you know…kinda’ sets you on a new way of thinking and questioning everything you believed in.
Jodi Sh. Doff: I wasn’t questioning anything, I had no plan. I started working in the topless bars at 17 because I needed a job. I’d been hanging around hustler’s bars and thought I was a tough little chick, but I was just a kid who liked to drink. Topless bars didn’t require experience or skills beyond working in skimpy outfits. I’d been having a recurring dream, every night, where I died at 23. I believed it, so nothing really mattered…
Lauri Shaw: What plan? I was 19 when I started stripping, estranged from my family, and had been living on my own for several years already. I was just trying to live day to day and keep a roof over my head.
JshD: I’d grown up on Shindig, Hullaballo and then Laugh-In. That’s where I got my ideas about life as a go-go dancer–that was the term in the 70s. I thought I’d be a cross between the hip, swinging stewardesses of “Coffee, Tea or Me” and Xaviera Hollander’s Happy Hooker. Eventually, I figured on becoming a mobsters girlfriend or a high class call girl making oodles of money, being wined and dined by handsome powerful men.
There was wine, men, and money, but not like I’d imagined. I wasn’t tough enough to be a Show World silver dollar girl, pretty enough to make big money at or sober enough to hang on to any of it.
LS: I expected I’d go back to college at some point, but I didn’t know what I wanted to be “when I grew up” and didn’t feel compelled towards any particular course of study. I just figured I would try to get as much cash as I could into the bank before I quit dancing. That went out the window as well once I developed a fondness for the “Devil’s Dandruff.”
The whole time I was dancing, I couldn’t see more than 24 hours into the future. Half the time I wasn’t even working at the same club from one night to the next. I didn’t know what my average earnings were. I didn’t know how far I’d have to drive to get at those earnings. The most forward thinking I ever did was to maybe bag a sandwich for my next shift! I lived my entire life by the seat of my pants. I’d burn through relationships, fuck buddies… I devoured whatever was in front of me.
JshD: I thought I’d be dead by 23, so there was no point planning for 30 or 40. Same as you, I lived day to day. Stripping was a way for me to drink and drug as much as I wanted and just be wild. To paraphrase Gretchen Wilson “I was there for the party And I wasn’t leavin’ ’til they throw’d me out.”
LS: I feel that if I had been in my mid-twenties or older, I’d have been much more focused on the future…
CR: Well, I can shoot down your theory about age and focus, Lauri, at least in my case. I didn’t get in to the sex biz until I was nearly 25. I’d been training in dance for many years and got close to the professional ranks, summer stock and all that, but had to choose between that and art college. Well, long story short, I lost interest in all the things I’d been ‘focused’ on and took off for San Francisco where I got even more in to drugs…
JshD: What would life had been like for any of us, I wonder, if drugs and alcohol had never entered the picture….
CR: …and began living and performing with some really freaky people, some of the original Cockettes and Angels of Light. Did a play with Divine, even began singing in jazz clubs. At that time materialism was looked down on, but I needed to pay rent, so at 24 I answered an ad for nude modeling. The agent asked me if I was interested in being in a porn film. I’d never even seen one and stormed out.
JshD: I had girlfriends that did print and film but I remembered a high school teacher who’d been a Playboy centerfold. Every year someone would dredge up that old centerfold and tape it to her door and she’d be in tears. I was afraid of that kind of permanent image following me if I ever wanted to go “straight.” I guess I still bought into the white collar Prince Charming at the end of the rainbow.
CR: My boyfriend thought porn was a great idea and ended up as the lead in a big adult feature. I got to see that it wasn’t the sleazy scene I’d thought, at least not at that level, and sex was so out in the open in those days. That’s how I got in to the sex biz. In hindsight, I too wished I had remained more focused on other things I really loved to do, like dance and sing. I could’ve made a career of it. But, as Jodi pointed out, once you’re on film it’s forever, and you close many doors once you show up in an adult movie.
In the end, my foray in to porn and burlesque gave me the idea for female-centric erotic cinema, so while it began with a ‘devil may care’ attitude, I ended up achieving exactly what I wanted: a career that enables me to express myself artistically and politically, and one that financially provides me with the means to take care of myself. In fact, I’ve probably created far more of a legacy for myself than I might have trying to compete with all the Madonna’s of the world.
This entry was written by , posted on December 9, 2009 at 9:00 am, filed under three naked ladies and tagged porn, strippers. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink and follow any comments with the RSS feed for this post.
For as a long as there’s been music, women have danced for the entertainment and titillation of men. Scheherazade. Minsky’s Burlesque. Cage dancing go-go girls in the psychedelic 60′s. Times Square strippers, pole dancers and lap dancers. Women dance….Men watch.
Naked Ladies get around! Look for the 3 Naked Ladies and a new topic every Wednesday on laurishaw.com, or thedirtygirldiaries.com
Lauri Shaw: In such a sexually charged environment, I think you’d have to be made of stone to never be turned on…
Antonia Crane: When I first started dancing, I only dated women — men were not invited to the party. Boundaries were much easier for me than for my straight co-workers.
LS: I’d flirt with co-workers (DJ’s, other dancers, even occasionally bouncers or managers) to create my “working mindset.” Sometimes all that flirting turned into more.
AC: I was never tempted to date customers, or intrigue with clients for GFE, but I’d fool around with women I worked with sometimes.
LS: It was more acceptable to screw around with co-workers than customers — dating customers is stigmatized and discouraged — but some customers came in and I was attracted to them.
Jodi Sh. Doff: The only customers I was attracted to weren’t really customers. They were part of the scene, which leaned heavily towards the criminal element.
AC: For me, men were customers, nothing more. I made lots of money, my clients loved that I was queer. It made me erotic and out of reach for them.
LS: I won’t lie — I went home with a few of the younger guys who didn’t have money. Especially when I first started dancing. I liked that it was my choice, rather than economic necessity, to have sex with someone. It made me feel powerful, like I was the one who called the shots.
AC: The confusing thing was, I’d still get turned on by men sometimes. It surprised and shamed me until I got comfortable with myself. I was attracted to fat men, cripples. I liked men in suits with glasses who looked like they wandered in after a deposition. Or men who smelled like men — the sweat after a day of dry wall or painting.
JshD: And BOOM! Turned on vs. Attracted. The stuff I don’t like to admit. I got turned on by guys I’d never be with in real life. Mama’s boys, Hasidic Jews, middle-class whiny civilians. Guys where I felt I had the upper hand and could hustle if I wanted but always there was the sexual thrill of being a top, pushing them further than they were comfortable, or letting them “get away” with things they couldn’t have paid for…
AC: After I realized the nature of my desire, I had fun with it. Stripping became my playground. Taking money for lap dances turned me on. When I got off on a lap, I never let the client know. It was important I remained in control.
JshD: This guy — middle-aged, dumpy, glasses, ill-fitting suit, came into the club constantly. Busty Babes was a cavernous dump on the West Side Highway. I’d talk about fucking him in his mother’s bed, the disgusting things I’d make him do to me. I’d order him to touch me or himself. The more humiliated he was, the hotter I got. I couldn’t wait to be alone to get myself off. He had no money, this was strictly personal, not professional. Yet, in real life, outside the bar? Never. I couldn’t respect anyone who let me treat them like that. It’s one of the reasons I never went in for pro-domme work. So much of a turn on, I really lose control of myself.
AC: Years later, I fell for a bio dude. Suddenly, the men I performed for became available to me in ways that confused me. I’d fantasize about dating or marrying them! But I never dated clients.
JshD: I never got hot performing for guys I’d want in real life. I was too shy to even dance for them privately. For me to really work it, I have to be, well, kind of disgusted by the guy. It’s that fine line, the razor’s edge of humiliation. Some men appealed to my head and heart and I’d date them, but my perv juices started flowing with the really pathetic men. I’m twisted like that.
LS: Occasionally — especially if I had a buzz on — I went much farther with someone in the club than was officially allowed. I didn’t feel I was turning tricks, because these weren’t planned or negotiated, but just kind of “happened.”
AC: One of many “last nights ever,” a cute skater-looking guy came into the club. It was dead. I figured he had no money. In a private room, he produced a wad of twenties big as a softball and said, “What’s it gonna be?” And we had sex. I enjoyed it, especially the taboo aspect of doing it in the club.
JshD: At the Lollipop I’d work a sister act with another girl. When we got a guy to take us both to VIP, we’d make out and grind on each other — it was part of the “incestuous sisters” hustle, so I had to. But it turned us both on. Even though we considered ourselves straight! We’d forget about the guy. Once I caught the bouncer watching us. Having a “voyeur” made it even hotter.
LS: At the Zebra Club, VIP was only semi-private. There were bouncers. My customer was young but plain at best. I never would’ve noticed him in a different environment. During our couch dance, I’m dancing with my pussy centimeters from his face, and he sticks out his tongue… It took me by surprise and I knew I should pull away, that I could get fired… But I glanced around the room to see if anyone was watching, and no one was. I let him lick me out. I don’t think it took more than 45 seconds for him to make me come. Fear of getting busted heightened the experience big time; so did the fact that he was paying to do what I considered an act of submission.
AC: “Customer cute” is different than pedestrian cute. A client who spends money at clubs is attractive according to different/lower standards. If he’s average and spends a lot of money, he’s “customer cute” but outside the club you’d never look twice at him.
JshD: The industry gave me the opportunities — and excuses — to act on fantasies and desires I was in denial about.
AC: My boundaries have been challenged every night.
This entry was written by , posted on December 2, 2009 at 9:00 am, filed under three naked ladies and tagged strippers. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink and follow any comments with the RSS feed for this post.
For as a long as there’s been music, women have danced for the entertainment and titillation of men. Scheherazade. Minsky’s Burlesque. Cage dancing go-go girls in the psychedelic 60′s. Times Square strippers, pole dancers and lap dancers. Women dance….Men watch.
Naked Ladies get around! Look for the 3 Naked Ladies and a new topic every Wednesday on laurishaw.com, or thedirtygirldiaries.com
This week, globe-trotting glamour-gal, Kelly Hayworth stops in to chat with the Naked Ladies….
Jodi Sh. Doff: In the 70s & 80s I danced on stage and hustled drinks on the floor. There was a difference in the feelings of security & power. I felt safer, emotionally, on stage with that distance from the customer. Lauri, you worked laps as well as poles yes?
Lauri Shaw:I sure did. The amount of contact and privacy varied from club to club.
Some lap dances were more like table dances –both feet on the floor at all times and you faced the customer.
In others, you could straddle the customer backwards or forwards, rub your knee in his crotch, he could touch anywhere but your tits, ass or crotch. You essentially dry-humped the guy and often right out in the open. I hated that, but as with everything else, you get used to it.
Some clubs had special rooms for lap dances, wall dances…
JshD: Dry humping against a wall? Guys never get past high school do they…
LS:... or couch dances –they were only semi-private, but away from the main floor. The VIP rooms, though, were usually just you and the customer, one-on-one.
JshD: And once again I’m grateful I got out before lap dancing caught on. It’s one thing to be alone in a VIP room negotiating whatever, knowing the bouncer was just the other side of the door and I didn’t have to do anything. Sometimes I did. Sometimes I didn’t, but no one had the right to expect contact like they do with a lap dance…
LS: You never HAD to do anything. You set your own limits, but they had to be similar to the other girls’ limits, or you wouldn’t make money. So I guess it felt a lot like “had to.”
Kelly Hayworth: Well, I’m a career-long dive-bar dancer–my Tokyo club was the size of a living room. Many Tokyo clubs are hostess-like, there’s more emphasis on making commission on drinks than on stage shows.
JshD: Hustling drinks always made me feel like a beggar. I don’t mind taking my clothes off, or drinking with anyone who offers, but all that “Hi honey, wanna buy me a drink” shit was just depressing. I had to have some booze or dry goods first to work the floor…
LS: I don’t think that’s easy for anyone. I had to be a little tipsy myself, otherwise if someone was rude to me, I’d be rude right back. A bad exchange with a customer could mess up my whole night…you get off to a wrong start and don’t make any money.
KH: Yeah, I only drank at the clubs when I had to sell dances and/or drinks. Some of the London pubs were stage only, so no problem.
Only a couple of girls danced on “stage”–(a wobbly pole in the centre of the room that collapsed with my friend upside down on it)–and only once or twice a night. You’d dance one song–half twirling around the pole, the other half going to each customer and demanding a tip. The smallest Japanese bill is worth almost $10 American, so it was worth doing the stage. We laughed if an American came in and tried to give us a dollar bill.
LS: I knew some girls who had danced in Japan, all tall with big tits. I heard the money was great but that if you were petite like me, don’t bother–you wouldn’t be exotic in Japan. So I never even thought about going.
KH: Tokyo changed massively while I worked there on and off from ’98 to ’07. In the beginning it was about being blonde for the Japanese guys, but nowadays it’s all foreign businessmen–British and American–so blonde means nothing. They’re looking for Japanese girls.
In London it was fully nude walking around the pub floor for a song, going up to each customer–giving everyone attention. You wouldn’t think so but, it’s actually where I felt safest. We never got too close–there was something like a three foot rule and absolutely no contact–and guys never pushed it. They were conditioned to just look. Also, you got the tips before the show–every customer has to put one Pound minimum in your glass.
JShD: I guess there’s some modicum of British propriety– I can’t imagine that in NYC. Visions of drunken frat boys grabbing ass and tit as you moved through the crowd. I need personal space. A lot of clubs had a raised stage behind the bar because of an ABC Buffer zone law that specified if you served booze, you needed 6 ft. between topless dancers and customers. Looking down on my customers from that distance gave me a feeling of control and power I really liked.
KH: Ha! I don’t know about British propriety! These were tiny pubs out in the country, a Friday night in Leicester Square would’ve been very different.
LS: Yeah, I live in the UK these days. Propriety my ass. They can afford to behave themselves in the strip clubs because if they want more, they can go to a legal brothel here.
KH: Tokyo and London felt more powerful onstage than the US. Maybe because it was more confrontational–like by walking up to the customers I’m demanding their attention and tips–in the States I felt like I had to hope that maybe they would tip.
LS: The girls I danced with on stage in Manhattan used to kick drinks on customers who were really offensive and / or refused to tip.
KH: Also, since there isn’t a continuous show, like the States, dancers aren’t “background”, we got direct attention. I certainly feel more powerful when I have attention, it can be crushing to have no one come up to your stage–or worse, get up and leave when you come on! I mean, we are getting naked, they shouldn’t take us for granted, right?!
JshD: Makes sense. Girls on stage are competing with the girls on the floor for the attention and dollars of the mooks at the bar. It’s set up so the bar wins, not the girls.
This entry was written by , posted on November 25, 2009 at 9:00 am, filed under three naked ladies and tagged London, strippers, Times Square, Tokyo. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink and follow any comments with the RSS feed for this post.
For as a long as there’s been music, women have danced for the entertainment and titillation of men. Scheherazade. Minsky’s Burlesque. Cage dancing go-go girls in the psychedelic 60′s. Times Square strippers, pole dancers and lap dancers. Women dance….Men watch.
Naked Ladies get around! Look for the 3 Naked Ladies and a new topic every Wednesday on laurishaw.com, or thedirtygirldiaries.com
This week, former New York City madam LZ Hansen sits in with the Naked Ladies….
Lauri Shaw: Some of my “regulars” were kind of irregular. I had this retired cop, told me that he’d lost his stomach for law enforcement after he’d killed a man. Looking in my eyes all intense and unblinking when he said it. For all I know, he made it up — he was always trying to get me to “open up” to him in return. He also did the whole “I’ll take you away from all this” rundown.
Jodi Sh. Doff: At the Lollipop we had this heavy drinking, heavy drugging black plainclothes cop who’d take me and my bff Patty to the back room. He liked us to play with his real live, loaded gun and ladies, I don’t know my ass from a safety. He’d rub it on us or watch us “stroke” it while he stroked himself. It’s a wonder no one got shot.
LS: No shit! Did your bouncers / managers know?
JshD: You could get away with anything there. One night, one of the “boys” shot the jukebox. He said it made a threatening move!
LZ Hansen: I had this guy who’d come to the whore house to see me three times a day, always wearing the same dirty Yankee jacket. He didn’t have a lot of money but he blew it all on me. He’d hang out for hours talking or fetching us snacks. He was a nice guy and we took advantage of that. Turned out he was living in his car! It’s sad, he deserved better. I think we were his only friends. But, I made $50,00 alone in a year from him.
JshD: Oh, yeah, for me that would have been Bubbles. We called him Bubbles even to his face. It was very emasculating, I imagine. Bubbles was every girl’s dinner date — he never tried anything and we all took advantage. Looking back, he was just a sweet guy with no social skills. But I could always count on a free dinner with Bubbles. If I needed to make my drink quota, he’d buy even when he didn’t want to drink with me.
LZH: Bubbles…poor man. But those are the types who attach themselves to us, they want to be part of our lives. And we want their money.
JshD: Look, we all know, there’s Us, and then there’s Them. David worked at the racetrack, claimed he was doping horses and thought that made him “down”. Civilians who tried to be part of the crowd, I hated them. I’d take everything I could and teach them a lesson. Very long story short – David thought we’d get married–I could barely kiss him without retching. By the end of the scam, he’d lost his license in NY and Jersey. I didn’t get as much cash as I’d wanted, but I made my point. He never came back.
LS: BDSM Guy had been clean & sober for 20 years until he met me. He lived for power games and kept trying to up the ante– “I’m gonna be your master, I’ll make you fuck me one day, blah, blah… ” I refused to be around him unless he got me high. He was a regular at Dangerous Curves so I didn’t see him after I quit. But a year later, I walk out of the Carousel Club one freezing winter night and find BDSM Guy lurking next to my car. I started yelling and when he looked up, he had blow caked all over his mustache. I may have been responsible for his relapse…
LZH: Did the dancers worry about stalkers?
LS: Thankfully, it didn’t happen as much as you’d expect.
LZH: One of my weirdest was this handsome young man who confessed he was in love with his sister. Afterwards, he asked if he could tell me something. I thought, haven’t you said enough? He said he’d been having sex with his sister and wanted to marry her, but she was engaged and wanted nothing to do with him any more. Then he said “And you look so much like her,” and begged me to date him outside of work.
JshD: That’s a little creepy. You never know how much is in their head and how much is real. Whether you’re saving someone else by indulging their fantasies or stoking the fires of their insanity.
LZH: I know. We all know how some clients lie. But I believed this guy, he was so broken up over his sister. He thought that I’d jump at the chance to date him. He came to see me every month, always begging me to date him, saying I looked like her! If he’d had money I could have hustled him, but he was broke.
LS: At least he wasn’t dangerous, right? I had this guy get obsessed with me after I’d danced for him once at the Harmony. Afterwards, I’d see him around the East Village following me down the street staring at me, looking haunted, while I was walking with my boyfriend. He acted like a jilted lover. He was scary.
LZH: Thinking about sick clients reminds me of Dr. B. (You know who you are.) We met in a massage joint opposite Carnegie Hall in 1987. He’d book 8 hrs to sit & stare at me. We had sex, but really quick. He made me an offer I couldn’t refuse–he’d support me & my $300/day heroin/coke habit (that eventually went up to $1000/day). He put me up in the Chelsea Hotel and was my ‘sugar daddy’.
He gave me everything — a house, car, a business. I never understood what he really wanted with me, but he was a doctor, an OB GYN!- a junkies dream. I stopped sleeping with him & made him sleep on the couch. Then I moved my real boyfriend, who I’d actually just married, into our house. Dr. B almost lost his license after giving me a years worth of Hydrocodone scripts.
Finally, after four years, I fled with my new husband, my cat, and the clothes on my back.
This entry was written by , posted on November 18, 2009 at 9:00 am, filed under three naked ladies and tagged dirty boys, dirty money, drugs, strippers. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink and follow any comments with the RSS feed for this post.
For as a long as there’s been music, women have danced for the entertainment and titillation of men. Scheherazade. Minsky’s Burlesque. Cage dancing go-go girls in the psychedelic 60′s. Times Square strippers, pole dancers and lap dancers. Women dance….Men watch.
Naked Ladies get around! Look for the 3 Naked Ladies and a new topic every Wednesday on laurishaw.com, or thedirtygirldiaries.com
This week, Antonia Crane rants along with the Naked Ladies….
Jodi Sh. Doff: I’ve been on the phone with a friend I used to dance with. She never could make the transition to the straight world. Eventually we all get too old or too fed up to do the work, then what? She’s struggling with possible eviction.
Lauri Shaw:I was terrified that would happen to me. I tried to quit stripping dozens of times, kept running out of money and going back.
Antonia Crane: After throwing money around for over ten years, I managed to pay the tuition I owed Mills College and finish my BA. I needed $7,800. With determination and the strong will that only another stripper can understand, that year, I saved 10k. A girlfriend had a fledgling accounting business. She took at least $300/week and invested it for me.
JshD: I was $8000 in debt when I got out. I hadn’t been anyplace. I had no jewelry, no investments, no real estate and no more education than when I’d started ten years earlier.
LS: The money got spent so fast! And the amount I “needed” to retire kept growing.
AC: I traveled to India and took a trip to Prague, so I certainly didn’t stop spending. I’ve quit dancing a hundred times, had many careers, but I still have no clue how to live paycheck to paycheck.
JShD: I would’ve stayed till the bitter end, but I fell in love. With a hustler. Neither one of us wanted the other to work anymore, but I’d been there ten years. How the fuck was I going to get a straight job?
LS: I wasn’t qualified to do ANYTHING. That’s why I’d started stripping in the first place.
AC: I was qualified to do lots of things, but where can you make as much as an average CA attorney — untaxed cash — plus make your own schedule and perform?
LS: I’d leave for a month, try to find another gig. I took the proofreading course advertised in the back of the Village Voice.
JshD: I concocted a make-believe company called MG Entertainment where I claimed I’d worked for the last ten years. I applied for a receptionist’s job at High Times Magazine and said I could type 35 wpm — I couldn’t type at all. I’m hesitant to even call that my first straight job, it was nothing but drug related content. But it was the perfect stepping stone.
LS: I tried selling coupons on the street. “Excuse me! Question about your hair!” I lasted four hours. I’d told the hiring manager the truth about my work history. So when I went to quit, he asked, “Don’t you think you can make money with your clothes on?” He was being nasty. I just shrugged. “No.”
JshD: A few months into the job, the girl who’d hired me said she knew I lied about all those office skills, but she liked me, so she didn’t care. I don’t think I could’ve gotten away with that anyplace else but High Times.
LS: I used a fake company name too — a boyfriend pretended I worked for him. It still pops up on credit checks.
JshD: I was lucky. Once I got High Times under my belt, no one looked any further back. Times were different — no background investigation, credit checks, personal references. I kept MG Entertainment on my resume for a few years until I had enough distance to let it drop off naturally.
LS: A regular customer of mine got me a job bartending. The drunks were as difficult as any strip club customers, for a fraction of the kill. I didn’t see the point. I quit and went on the road, stripping in any state that would hire me.
AC: I also became a bartender. I made good money, but I wasn’t as young or fast as the other girls in L.A.: out-of-work models and actresses who had an “in” for the good bartending gigs.
LS: By 1999, it was nearly impossible to make money in NYC if you weren’t a top-shelf girl. Quality-of-life laws closed clubs, scared off customers. I drove across state lines regularly. New Jersey, Connecticut. Competition was stiffer than I’d ever seen it. My earnings dwindled.
I didn’t have money for college, but I had enough for audio school. I took time off from dancing, expecting I’d go back part-time after I finished the course. I never did.
AC: Dancing supports my writing. I have a memoir and a novel, a screenplay. But I don’t want to be one of those 45-year old strippers with a screenplay, so I’m hustling.
LS: I lived off savings…
JshD: No savings. Not a dime when I left. Nothing but debt…
LS: … took unpaid internships. Eventually I landed a job managing a recording studio, but it took two years. By then I was broke.
AC: I’ve started doing “massage.” This is the most efficient use of my time. The clubs are too lame in L.A. The economy too anemic, the regulars too much work. I don’t do GFE — I guess I’m old school.
LS: I hate to say this, but I’ve never made decent money at any “straight job.” After I danced, I was almost as shit-poor as before I started. Music journalism was as lean a career as studio management. If I didn’t have a husband, I’d have gone back a long time ago. I think about it all the time.
AC: I now have an MFA and dance in New Orleans to pay my rent. I still have “massage” clients. I don’t spend money like I used to. It’s about survival now.
I knew women who managed to ensnare moneyed men, and not only quit dancing or escort, but never have to get a job. I’m not saying that’s wrong, but it’s not my style — I’m not interested in a “sugar daddy.” I’m struggling the only way I know how, doing what I’m great at. I guess I’m stubborn. I’d LOVE to quit with money in the bank — that’s why I’m flying back and forth from L.A. to New Orleans. Wish me luck.
This entry was written by , posted on November 11, 2009 at 6:00 am, filed under three naked ladies and tagged dirty money, strippers. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink and follow any comments with the RSS feed for this post.
For as a long as there’s been music, women have danced for the entertainment and titillation of men. Scheherazade. Minsky’s Burlesque. Cage dancing go-go girls in the psychedelic 60′s. Times Square strippers, pole dancers and lap dancers. Women dance….Men watch.
Naked Ladies get around! Look for the 3 Naked Ladies and a new topic every Wednesday on laurishaw.com, $pread magazine online or thedirtygirldiaries.com
This week on Three Naked Ladies, the legendary Georgina Spelvin sits in for Jodi Sh. Doff.
Georgina Spelvin: My childhood was spent “on the road.” The only real friend I had was a girl who lived across the street from my uncle in Jasper, Texas. I spent a week or two at their house every summer until I was about twelve. She and I connected again in the early 90s. Georgina Spelvin is a stage name, so she never knew. When she learned about my “secret life in porn,” she was thrilled and delighted. Probably more so than I ever was.
Lauri Shaw: But, you started in Broadway musicals, right? Were your peers in the mainstream judgmental of your decision to go into porn?
GS: I didn’t make any lasting friendships in the world of musical comedy. It was always “I loved you, Baby, but the show closed.” Because of this itinerant life, others’ opinions of me, or anything else for that matter – held little weight.
LS: The 90s class system went like this: feature entertainer porn stars like Jenna Jameson or Janine Lindemulder were at the top; then came girls from Scores, Tens, and VIP; mid-level topless girls from say, Flashdancers next, after which came the girls at topless dives. Girls like me who removed their panties were close to the bottom of the heap. It was strange — we made more money than the girls in many of the topless clubs. But you definitely lost status the minute you showed cooch.
Rachel Aimee: Yes, girls at the high-end clubs can be really snobby about dive bar strippers because we make our money in dollar bills instead of twenties, but the reality is that the dollar bills often add up to more than the twenties after the high-end club girls pay out their $100-plus house fees.
LS: In the nude clubs, there was always someone whining, “I didn’t sell a bottle because I don’t do blow jobs like all these other bitches.” If someone was openly turning tricks, she was low on the totem pole. There was a lot of hypocrisy.
RA: Strippers look down on peepshow girls because they take their bottoms off and do dildo shows. But, I worked at a peepshow briefly and I found the peepshow girls disparaging about strippers. They would say “at least we work behind glass and don’t touch our customers.”
LS: Human nature doesn’t change, I’m guessing your generation had a pecking order too?
GS: I’m sure there was, but I was just “tap dancin’ as fast as I could” trying to make a living. Making friends was not a big priority.
RA: Most girls move from club to club so quickly that making friends isn’t a priority. There’s this unwritten rule that you don’t talk to the new girl until she’s been there for at least three weeks, because who knows if she’s going to stick around anyway? I’ve worked at several clubs where I never even exchanged so much as a hello with any of the other dancers. I only really made friends at the club where I worked for six years!
GS: I didn’t socialize much with anyone doing the films –I have no idea what they did off the set. Getting cast as Miss Jones was such a fluke. And every sex film I did after that was a case of someone talking me into doing “just one more.” They were a means of getting a few dollars together to pay the rent on the Pickle Factory: the film company our little “collective” of wannabe film makers we were trying to keep going in New York in ’72. They didn’t pay anything like what they do today, believe me. $100 for the day. That was it.
RA: I’ve always been lazy about doing any kind of sex work other than stripping because stripping can be so low maintenance. You can go in there, make money, then leave work and stop thinking about it. You don’t have to worry about maintaining relationships with clients or agencies or scheduling your life around your job. (Although, of course, there are plenty of strippers whose lives revolve around their jobs — I’ve been privileged enough so far to be able to get by without really throwing myself into it.)
GS: I always thought of myself as an actress – working in the only medium where work was offered to me. Hollywood never called me back. I am very glad to count several of the sex film actors and actresses I’ve met recently – and the few I got back in touch with when writing my memoir, The Devil Made Me Do It, as friends. I’m not terribly active in any causes – sex work related or otherwise. I’m too lazy and very selfish with my time.
RA: Being a part of the sex worker activist community has always been really important to me, as a support network as much as anything else, because it can be so difficult to talk about sex work with outsiders.
LS: What stopped me from doing porn was, I was afraid my father or my brother might inadvertently stumble on the material. Once someone takes a picture of you, you can’t control where it ends up, and it lives forever… weren’t you worried about anyone you knew coming across your work?
GS: When I did my first hard core film, I didn’t know it was to be hard core until we got to that scene. The only “blue movie” I’d ever seen was a short clip of Candy Barr – a famous stripper in her day. She’d given a guy a blow job in a motel room while someone recorded the event with an 8mm “home movie” camera. It was all new to me. No one I knew, nor anyone they knew, knew anything about such things.
At the time, it was $100 a day that was sorely needed to pay the rent on the Pickle Factory. That was all I was thinking about. Trying to remake the world through underground films. If I had had any idea that making The Devil in Miss Jones (not to be confused with The Devil & Miss Jones!) would make Georgina Spelvin a household word, I might have given it some thought…The short answer? It never entered my mind.
This entry was written by , posted on November 4, 2009 at 6:00 am, filed under three naked ladies and tagged porn, strippers. Leave a comment or view the discussion at the permalink and follow any comments with the RSS feed for this post.
